Manchester United and a mess that perhaps only Barry Fry could fix

GET TO THE CHOPPER!

How to cure the curse of Manchester United? Big Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s helicopter landed at Carrington on Thursday for a meeting with Ruben Amorim that was always scheduled, according to the club. Yes, apparently it had absolutely nothing to do with a Manchester derby pumping that had early-season optimism draining faster than the United end once Erling Haaland had scored City’s third. It has not been denied team performance was on the agenda. After all, what else could there possibly be to discuss? Now that Big Sir Jim has shunted much of his business interest to the USA USA USA, in recoil at the UK government’s green policies, and was already based off-shore for tax reasons, it is unlikely he and Amorim were discussing the return of Tyrone Dobbs’s mum, previously feared dead, to the cobbles of Coronation Street.

In March, Big Sir Jim described his meetings with Amorim: “Every time I go to the training ground, I speak to Ruben. I sit down and have a cup of coffee with him and tell him where it’s going wrong, and he tells me to [eff] off.” United’s lack of improvement since March – and anyone trying to argue there are actual positive signs needs their bumps feeling – means it may soon be time for Big Sir Jim to tell Amorim to go forth and multiply. Just this week, there was a flicker the latest mis-hire might come to an agreeable conclusion. Benfica, another fallen giant, were looking for someone to save them. Instead, they plumped for José Mourinho, meaning Amorim’s chance to play 3-4-2-1 in Lisbon again will come soon enough, though only once Mourinho has left his mark on the Estádio da Luz.

Meanwhile, after Marcus Rashford smashed in two beauties for Barcelona at Newcastle on Thursday, two fellow Amorim rejects in Alejandro Garnacho and Rasmus Højlund sent their congratulations on social media disgraces. Last week, Højlund scored within 14 minutes of his debut for Napoli. Fellow United cast-off Scott McTominay is a Neapolitan idol on the level of Sophia Loren. André Onana, pinged from the Old Trafford ejector seat after the Premier League transfer window had slammed shut, has already delivered a they-shall-not-pass display as Trabzonspor’s keeper, facing down 29 shots to receive rave reviews in Turkey. Well OK, Fenerbahce won 1-0, after Onana spilled the ball in characteristic style but his half-time speech, compared in one august publication to “a motivational lecture worthy of King Henry V at Agincourt” suggested someone thriving away from the gates of Mordor. Anyone freed from the hex appears to be energised, refreshed.

What solution could have been struck over that chummy, foul-mouthed coffee break? One great football man, a former Manchester United trainee, found a special answer to his club’s curse, namely Barry Fry. The then Birmingham City manager, in 1993, urinated on all four corners of the St Andrew’s pitch, running corner to corner while mid-flow [how much liquid had he drunk? – astonished Football Daily Ed]. Blues won seven of their next 10. The next question: which of Amorim or Big Sir Jim does the deed?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

My father is 75 years old and for 50 years he has been a fisherman, working from two o’clock in the morning to 10 o’clock in the morning. This is a hard life – not a player and the way that they work” – it’s fair to say that Enzo Maresca is not hugely sympathetic to the plight of Raheem Sterling and Axel Disasi as they labour alone in the two-man bomb squad at Chelsea after failing to secure moves away from the club.

My god, you got one right (yesterday’s Newcastle v Barcelona score prediction). Is this a first? I’ve only been reading the column for about five years so I can’t be 100% sure” – Janet Crane (who clearly hasn’t seen our consistent Friday night scorelines).

Given that ‘Wycombe Wanderers head coach Mike Dodds is now former Wycombe Wanderers head coach Mike Dodds’ (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs – full email edition), do they not have doors marked ‘Do One’ in High Wycombe? It’s probably all chairs given their history. He could have been ‘chairboyed’ through the door marked ‘Do One’” – Sean Boiling.

Yesterday’s edition summarised in under 10 words: Simeone misunderstands scouse tormentor, who was just Larkin around” – Phil Taverner.

OK, so we now know for sure that Big Website is purely generating content to drive traffic to Football Daily, instead of the other way around. ‘Will Postecoglou favour Wood or Jesus?’ Really? Class, no smirking at the back, please …” – Noble Francis.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Sean Boiling. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

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