Why Manchester United fans are TERRIFIED by transfer deadline day signing

The transfer window is over, the interlull has begun.

Everyone is struggling, but The Sun are taking the p*ss, the Daily Express are inventing Liverpool problems, and the Daily Star are pretending Manchester United have a ‘£1m midfield solution’.

It’s low tide in Football Content Bay, and the worry for us all must be that England’s upcoming unconvincing 2-0 win over Andorra will do little to raise any boats.

But plucky little Mediawatch isn’t going to let a near total lack of anything actually happening at all stop it delivering. No sir.

Lamm to the slaughter

Manchester United didn’t have a great end to the transfer window and haven’t made a great start to the season, but now things have got even worse for the crisis-ridden club.

The Sun pick up this huge developing story, which – and Mediawatch cannot stress this enough – they consider to be the biggest football story on earth at this time.

LAMM-ENTABLE: Man Utd fans TERRIFIED after seeing first pic of Senne Lammens at Old Trafford – can you guess why?

We cannot. But it sure must be serious if the fans are TERRIFIED at the sight of their shiny new goalkeeper. Is he like five-foot-three or something?

Lammens has now been unveiled as a Red Devil but his photos at Old Trafford have caused alarm.

Can United ever catch a break? Even player unveilings are alarming now. This is terrible. We’re on the very tenterest of hooks here.

Why are they TERRIFIED? Why such alarm?

That is because his agent bears a striking similarity to former manager Erik ten Hag.

Oh f*ck off.

Four fans, just to round out the formalities. Four fans doing harmless throwaway jokes on Twitter about the fact Lammens does indeed possess a bald, bearded agent who could, we concede, in a weak enough field finish third or fourth in an Erik Ten Hag lookalike competition. None of them terrified, never mind TERRIFIED. None of them alarmed. None of this in any way a story, less still the biggest story in all of football.

We know the window’s closed. We know it’s international week. But come on.

Sak of sh*t

It’s not just Man United where all is not rosy. These are deeply troubling times for Liverpool too, despite everything. To the Daily Express…

Alexander Isak concerns raised at Liverpool after blockbuster record transfer

Uh-oh. Bit of buyer’s remorse, is it? Liverpool worried they’ve overpaid? Is Isak actually, despite everything, in fact quite rubbish? Has Arne Slot changed his mind about absolutely everything he previously held dear?

Or has Alan Pardew gone on Sky Sports and guessed that Hugo Ekitike might be a bit miffed at the increased competition for places?

But we suppose ‘Hugo Ekitike concerns raised inside Alan Pardew’s head after blockbuster record transfer’ might just be a slightly less clicky headline.

MAILBOX: Do Liverpool need ‘bit of a d***’ Isak? Newcastle fans say he was ‘half-arsed’

Midfield of dreams

The Daily Star have also managed to find some good news for Manchester United amid their assorted calamities, so that’s nice.

Man Utd have already found a solution to midfield problem in £1m signing

In fairness to writers Cameron Winstanley and Steven Railston, they’ve been stitched right up by that headline.

In a lengthy piece about why United might be just about okay despite failing to bolster their midfield options this summer, some very fair points are made.

Chief among them is the fact that United only actually have 16 games to play before the transfer window reopens. It’s not, obviously, a schedule United would want or choose, but there’s no denying the fact that not being in Europe and crashing hilariously out of the Carabao does have some benefits by way of lightening the overall load.

It does seem perfectly reasonable to suggest that United should find it easier to muddle through until January with what they’ve got than most of the clubs they would consider their rivals, clubs who face playing at the very least one Carabao game and six European games more than United between now and the new year.

And those threadbare, bare-bones United options do include Bruno Fernandes, Casemiro, Manuel Ugarte, Mason Mount and Kobbie Mainoo. There are valid doubts and question marks here, but those are all full internationals with plenty of football behind them, which also feels fair to note.

Then comes this line, which sadly creates the nonsense headline.

There’s also confidence that Sekou Kone could make a first-team contribution before the campaign concludes.

Okay.

Kone featured for just one minute during the United States tour, yet staff remain optimistic about his potential impact.

Hmm, seems a bit less compelling now if we’re honest.

It appears unlikely that Kone will make any meaningful impression in the opening half of the season, however.

So the ‘£1m solution’ to the problem of not having another midfielder for the first half of the season won’t make any ‘meaningful impression in the opening half of the season’.

But apart from that tiny wrinkle: problem solved, and at a price Sir Jim will surely like.

We will remember them

Easy to forget in all the hoopla and pomp and circumstance and pageantry of deadline day that there’s a far more serious, human side to all this that can all too easily be forgotten.

Hats off, then, to The Sun for setting just the right sombre tone and scraping so very many pictures off of Instagram when addressing this all-too-often neglected side of the business.

GLAM GOODBYES: The glamorous Wags who’ve departed the Premier League this summer including the queen of twerking and Netflix star

At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them.

Scroll down to find out which departing Prem Wag used to be married to Barcelona star

It is the very least we can all do.

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