The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: Round Twenty Two

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

For those in Melbourne, I’ll be performing live in Titus & Lehmo’s AFL Finals Extravaganza on Saturday the 30th of August. Tickets have just gone on sale today.

Thursday

Hawthorn (110) v Collingwood (46)

Hawks fans will tell you it’s been a tough few years, with a lack of self-awareness that would make Meghan Markle blush, but they really enjoyed this win over Collingwood.

And it didn’t even seem hard.

Things started badly for the Pies, when Jeremy Howe went off almost immediately after a head clash with Jai Newcombe.

It’s enough to rattle anyone, and the Pies from there seemed rattled, especially in defence.

But this isn’t new for the Pies.

Four defeats from its past five games have, like a vape shop in Melbourne, left the Pies a smouldering ruin.

The Pie now don’t just look wobbly; they look as stable as a South American currency.

Usually, the Pies wait until finals to fall apart, but this is fun too.

And while we all enjoy a Pies loss, watching Collingwood take on Hawthorn is a bit like watching Elon Musk take on Mark Zuckerberg; you’re sad there’s a winner and that both exist.

If you want to ensure you get my columns every week, the best way is to sign up for the email.

Friday

Geelong (109) v Essendon (65)

Essendon fans have gotten used to the club discovering exciting new ways to torture them. This season saw them lose three players to injury… in a bye week.

That looked to be the high point of their season, but no, Dylan Shiel managed to get referred directly to the tribunal for an act that injured his teammate.

That’s Essendon, always trying new things.

With everyone at Essendon either injured or about to get injured, what’s left of their team showed a lot of heart in this one.

Cats fans were more interested in how Jeremy Cameron would go, given that the outcome of this was pretty much assured.

In his chase for 100 goals, Cameron finished on 79 for the year after only kicking only four goals. What a loser!

Saturday

Richmond (52) v St Kilda (56)

Just two more stops left in Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera’s Farewell to St Kilda Tour and once again, he proved what a loss he is going to be.

With Richmond putting more pressure on than a charity mugger, the Saints looked rattled, but managed to just fall across the line.

Richmond just lacked a bit of polish when it mattered, and really, it didn’t matter; the Tigers are building for the future and have so many draft picks you’d thing they were an AFL expansion team.

My personal highlight of the game was when Rowan Marshall ripped off Kamdyn McIntosh’s headband.

It resulted in a free kick, which was not a surprise. In most workplaces, if you randomly rip an item of clothing off someone, consequences tend to follow.

Brisbane (90) v Sydney (92)

Well, this totally makes up for last year’s Grand Final loss.

The Swans were everything they weren’t last September, present.

With nothing on the line, the Swans felt no pressure and played like it.

The final scoreline flatters the Lions, as they kicked three goals in the last minute.

The Lions are in serious trouble.

They’ve had just one win in the last three games, and that win was against the lowly Collingwood Football Club.

Now is not the time to be dropping games like this.

Like a man eating a souvlaki at 3am on a Sunday morning, the Lions made a real mess of things on the weekend.

Carlton (74) v Gold Coast (93)

Say what you like about them, but Carlton do have a strong brand.

It’s to be disappointing, then rally hope, then fall short when it matters.

On Saturday, they delivered on all their key pillars.

For the first three quarters, they did very little, to the tune of being down by 45 points at three-quarter time, and then they kicked six of the final seven goals and looked to be a real chance, only to still lose.

Why do they do this to their fans? There are torturers who have more empathy for their victims than Carlton.

It was a scare Damien Hardwick probably appreciated, a reminder to his players that the AFL is like hanging out with extended family, you can never relax and never let your guard down.

Port Adelaide (86) v Fremantle (92)

This didn’t deserve to be as good a game as it was.

Port Adelaide haven’t exactly troubled the scorers this season; in fact they haven’t troubled anyone.

The first quarter saw the Power held goalless and it looked like the Dockers were in for an easy night.

Then the Power rattled off eight goals in the second quarter, and it was on.

Suddenly, even Aliir Aliir kicked a goal. Just madness.

Seven goals of those eight goals game in a 16-minute span, meaning Port had squeezed all their best football for an entire season into a quarter of an hourly.

It had Freo scrambling to stay in touch and they had to dig deep to stay in touch at times.

With a minute to go and the score tied, it was that well-known key forward Alex Pearce who took big pack mark and kicked the winning goal.

Freo fans would be shocked; things could have gone badly and didn’t.

If you want to ensure you get my columns every week, the best way is to sign up for the email.

Sunday

Greater Western Sydney (133) v North Melbourne (79)

This game happened. It happened exactly as you would expect, then it was over.

Melbourne (99) v Western Bulldogs (105)

To be a star, you need to do big things in key moments, and that’s what Sam Darcy did when he ran back with the flight and took the key mark in this game.

It came amongst a bunch of highlights in a game that didn’t deserve to be as entertaining as it was.

The Dogs, after all are fighting for the top eight, while Melbourne are fighting to hope the next coach wants to keep them; both reasons seemed motivating.

Sacking a Premiership coach is never an easy thing to do, and even worse is having to sit next to them the next day and explain why.

Imagine breaking up with someone and then having to do a media conference sitting next to them.

“It’s not them, it’s me. But also, obviously, I think it’s them.”

Now I think of it, many a partner has broken up with me, citing a need to get a new voice, or more importantly, not to hear mine anymore.

In the end, when it came down to the last five minutes, the Dogs were just better organised, but it’s a scare for them.

For those in Melbourne, I’ll be performing live in Titus & Lehmo’s AFL Finals Extravaganza on Saturday the 30th of August. Tickets have just gone on sale today.

West Coast (78) v Adelaide (87)

Sure, they didn’t win, but for four quarters, the Eagles looked like a real professional AFL club and not a bunch of people forced to do community service.

In fact, entire minutes went by with outbreaks of competency occurring all over the ground.

The last time the Eagles did that, the world had never heard of COVID.

This obviously caught the Crows by surprise.

That’s the problem in the AFL, the minute people start saying you could be premiership favourite, things tend to go pear-shaped.

Crows fans had been hoping they could keep quietly sneaking up on the competition, but in the last few weeks people, even people in Victoria, have remembered they exist.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

Click here to read article