The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: Round Eight

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Adelaide (78) v Port Adelaide (48)

Port Adelaide like poor goalkicking almost as much as they like playing injured players.

In what is the Grand Final this season for both these sides, Port found new and exciting ways to not kick goals, managing an impressive 2.14 after quarter-time and finishing 5.18.

They avoided between the two big sticks like Leonardo DiCaprio avoids commitment.

To make matters worse, they also played Connor Rozee despite him not being able to run out last week’s game.

Rozee has, to quote a now common phrase, ‘hamstring awareness’. So aware are his hamstring now that they are sentient.

He didn’t finish the game, and Hinkley admitted playing him was a mistake.

But even with an injured Rozee, if the Power are meant to be serious contenders, then how did they lose this so comprehensively?

Port fans will be quick to tell you that’s because they are not serious contenders.

Their team currently operates almost as well as their medical staff.

This is meant to be a serious feud, up there with Drake and Kendrick Lamar, yet the Power didn’t look that motivated at all.

The Crows had the retirement of Rory Sloane to motivate them. The problem for the Crows is you can’t get him to retire every game.

Friday

Carlton (79) v Collingwood (85)

There’s a body of evidence emerging that Nick Daicos might be a very good football.

I don’t want to come across as gushing, but he might even be better than good.

After an entertaining spectacle, a stoppage just outside Collingwood’s forward fifty saw the ball bobble around as players attempted to grab it.

It was knocked into the forward fifty, and out of nowhere came Nick Daicos, running at full speed. Like a panther stalking its prey, he was watching the ball, he waited and waited, then bang, he took off.

It seemed he had seen the play before, he knew exactly where to be and when.

He then snapped the ball on his right foot and through it sailed.

It was such an exciting moment, I almost felt positive about it, even though he plays for Collingwood.

And while I can console myself that it’s ok to feel a bit happy because Carlton lost, a part of me feels nothing but shame that I momentarily enjoyed a moment of Collingwood brilliance.

To add salt to the wound, he then gave a nice post-game interview, and then Darcy Moore gave a classy speech about Peter Mac Foundation and their work battling cancer.

I mean the bar is so low for footballer’s speeches that people are impressed when they string three words together, but Moore had stats and everything in his.

Damn this Collingwood team. The fact they are good and nice makes me hate them even more.

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Saturday

Sydney (98) v Greater Western Sydney (69)

The entire footy world will be hoping for the best for Tom McCartin, who went off concussed after Callum Brown bumped him high in one of the more unnecessary things you’ll see on the field.

Brown has now been suspended for three matches, and just to add to the fun, Toby Greene was fined for striking Jake Lloyd.

Luckily for Toby, his clean record meant it was only a fine.

Aside from those two moments, the Giants didn’t get up too much else, turning in a rather insipid performance against their cross-town rivals.

Things seemed to go downhill fast after Tom Green went off with an ankle injury, and the Giants didn’t seem that interested.

To keep the crowd entertained, Errol Gulden put on a kicking clinic, which was worth the price of admission. For a game based substantially on kicking the ball, it’s amazing how many players can’t do it that well.

Its why Gulden is a joy to watch. He can not only hit a target, but he also makes good decisions on which player to target.

Spoiler alert for many players, it’s his teammates.

St Kilda (103) v North Melbourne (65)

Things are not going well for St Kilda, but at least they’re not ‘lose to North Melbourne’ bad.

In fact, if you were new to the game, and didn’t know North Melbourne are a historically bad team, you could have been tricked into thinking the Saints were a good side.

In a week where Alastair Clarkson conceded his team’s training standards weren’t up to scratch, the Kangaroos were like a dog making a coffee.

Enthusiastic but the task was beyond them.

The only entertaining moment of the game was Jimmy Webster being on the same field as Jy Simpkin.

Webster had a seven-game ban after a high hit on Simpkin in the preseason, so when Webster got the ball in the back pocket, only to turn it over for a goal, North Melbourne fans got their first highlight of the season.

Melbourne (74) v Geelong (66)

It was the best of games; it was the worst of games.

Last week I got shingles, which I don’t recommend to anyone, but this game was more painful for long stretches.

A tight defensive, struggle, by two teams who know what they’re doing, was garnished unfavourably by some of the worst goalkicking you’ve seen outside a Port Adelaide game.

For a stretch of the game, spanning the first three quarters, both teams booted 14 consecutive behinds.

Partly it was the pressure, but there were plenty of simple ones that should have been kicked. I hadn’t heard so many groans from a crowd since my last gig.

Kade Chandler finally broke the drought, which then shifted the game into a high-paced contest, although both sides managed to still butcher the ball at times.

The fourth quarter was one of the most stressful things I’ve watched in ages, right up there with Daryl Somers at the Logies.

Just when Melbourne would get ahead, Geelong would get on top, only for Melbourne to reverse the situation. It was like that time as a kid when I walked in on my parents wrestling.

Where goals were not being kicked earlier, suddenly players were producing bits of magic.

Max Gawn booted one from 60 meters outs, and then Bayley Fritsch, the 1930s cartoon character come to life, booted what is arguably the goal of the season.

Fritsch managed to keep the ball in the boundary, deep in the pocket, only to then dribble a spinning kick through at an impossible angle.

Well, it wasn’t impossible, as he did it, but impossible to all of us watching, except for Eddie Betts.

Geelong had their chances late, but where Melbourne had booted these goals, Jeremy Cameron managed to blow two relatively simple kicks at goal.

If these two meet in the finals, my heart won’t cope.

West Coast (71) v Essendon (77)

Essendon held on in a tough hit out, with the Bomber’s best player being Jamie Cripps.

Cripps killed the Eagles late momentum to see Essendon hold on, and it was a nice touch when he joined the Bombers in the change rooms to sing the song.

In one respect, the Eagles will just be thrilled they are no longer being belted, but they will be disappointed they didn’t get it done.

Even more disappointing was Elliot Yeo injuring his groin, reminding people that West Coast are less a footy club and more a mechanism for injuring people.

Essendon now sit in fifth spot. They can’t not win a final from here!

Sunday

Richmond (49) v Fremantle (103)

Like my twenties in a nightclub, Richmond worked hard but went home with nothing on Sunday.

Probably the best description of Richmond this season is ‘workmanlike’.

The effort is often there but the ability isn’t. It’s almost like having a bunch of premiership players affects a side, except for Geelong.

One flaw in Richmond’s game plan was kicking the ball constantly Luke Ryan.

He finished with 15 marks and 39-possesions, and a lot of it was just him waiting for Richmond to make a mistake, and there wasn’t much of a wait.

At some point, someone at Richmond might have thought ‘perhaps we shouldn’t kick it to Luke Ryan every single time we go forward’, but it that idea didn’t spread to the entire team.

Western Bulldogs (91) v Hawthorn (98)

It hasn’t been exactly a secret that the Bulldogs just aren’t that good, but if there are some people living deep in the outback, surely, they know that now too.

Hawthorn, whose only win this season had been against VFL side North Melbourne, got their first proper win of the season, and consigned the Doggies to a week of turmoil.

To use the overused phrase, the Hawks just seemed to want it more.

It was close but given the players the Bulldogs have on their list, this should have been a game they handled.

Handle it they did not.

The Hawks greater desire was defined by James Sicily dislocated his shoulder early but played on and booted the winning goal.

In fairness, the Bulldogs were distracted because Essendon ruckman Sam Draper made a few comments on a podcast.

He said that several Bulldogs players would leave the club at the end of the season if Beveridge stayed as coach.

With performances like these, there’s not a lot of danger of that happening.

Brisbane (79) v Gold Coast (45)

Brisbane’s season is cursed. Even when they win they seem to lose, with their entire team going down injured in this one.

First, we should mention the Suns were terrible. Once again, they show all the promise early on then go to water as the season progresses.

The Lions dealt with them easily, but it was costly.

First, Brandon Starcevich went down with a calf injury, and the game hadn’t even started.

Then Lincoln McCarthy went off with a knee injury, less than 10 minutes into the first quarter.

Then in quick succession, Noah Answerth went off with a concussion and Darcy Gardiner went off with a knee injury and it wasn’t even halftime.

The chaos it caused can be seen in Logan Morris’ day.

He played in the VFL side where he ran 13km before heading to Macca’s where he got a barbecue angus meal, six nuggets and a frappé.

Turning up to the Gabba, where he wasn’t expecting to play, he then ate a spicy tomato, bacon and chorizo soup.

He was then told he would be the sub. The only problem was he didn’t have his boots with him so he had to wear a pair of Will Ashcroft’s, which were a size too small for him.

He then went on early and ended up kicking his first-ever goal.

I feel his pre-game meal sums up how Brisbane prepared for this season.

Unfortunately, I had to cancel my show last Friday due to getting shingles. Apologies to all who bought tickets. The show has been rescheduled for June 7.

I’ll be right for the shows this Friday and Saturday. Friday is sold out but there are tickets left for Saturday and the June 7 show.

You can get tickets here.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

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