In his own words: Harry opens up ahead of Gather Round return

HARRY McKay has opened up alongside brother Ben ahead of his return to AFL football this Saturday.

After taking time away from football due to personal reasons, an honest Harry spoke sincerely about where he found himself, and the “much better place” he finds himself in now.

In his own words, you can read what McKay had to say below, or you can listen to the full chat via the player.

“Five or six weeks ago, in late February, I started feeling in not a great place mentally. I think the most challenging part of that was me thinking I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was. Everything in my life, to be honest, was in a really great place - the football club, I love my teammates so much and was in a great place in terms of footy. The most beautiful, loving partner and family being so supportive. Everything in my world was in such a great place, and that’s why it was really scary that it didn’t make a lot of sense.

“I guess you could say it was really irrational to feel like that, and as that progressed and unfortunately feeling in a worse and worse spot, I had to put on a bit of a facade to pretend to be okay when I really wasn’t. That was really hard, as a male who would hang their hat on always turning up, being stoic, pushing through. But it got to a place where I had to put a hand up and say I needed some help.

“Feeling in a place where you’re really blue and not yourself, but feeling like you have to put a facade on to pretend that everything was okay reached a tipping point, it was scary. But I needed to put my hand up and say I’m not okay and need some help. That can be really tough to see someone like that, but it got to a stage where it was really the only option.

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“We can try and be stoic and push through, and it’s definitely how I’m wired a bit. It was so irrational, because everything - footy, family, life - was in a great place. On paper, it made no sense, which probably added to the want to keep pushing through. But the more I did, the worse I felt. The moment I did that, the support has been so beautiful - from my partner, family, the wider football community and definitely involved in my club. I knew everyone would be great, but it’s blown me away how loving, caring and supportive everyone has been.

“The start of the footy season is such an exciting, fun time. With every domain being in such a great place, the things that bring you so much joy usually, that contributed to feeling really confused and spiralling around that. Something I’ve learnt through this process is the domains of life you love the most - playing footy, competing with your teammates, inspiring young kids, running out in front of our fans - are the hardest things to do when you’re in a dark place. That can be hard to get your head around, but a lot of people would be able to relate that when you’re feeling at your worst, the things you love are the hardest things to do.

“The care for me as a person has been so profound. There’s footy, then there’s life - how much my teammates have wrapped their arms around me and given me love and support… I always knew footy clubs are such a great place when things are tough, but I’ve been blown away by the love and care from my closest people, especially within the Club.

“It gets spoken about a bit, but being able to talk about it and share what you’re going through with people you love or care about you a lot, it really helps. It’s a weight off your shoulders when you can get to a place where you can share. There’s often a perception of being unsure of how people might be, hesitation about how someone might react. Everyone has been so beautiful, so caring and alleviated any worry or judgment. If one person can take something from a shared experience from being able to talk and confide in the people you love, I’ll be happy.

“I feel really lucky to feel like myself again. Anyone that has been through something similar can understand there’s a physical toll that comes with going through something like this, and in the last week or two it’s been about hitting those markers and working on a plan to get back to a great level. That’s why it was so awesome to get some minutes in and hit some of those markers in the VFL on the weekend. To be able to tick off some of those things will hold me in good stead for Gather Round this week - and I’m really excited to run out in front of Carlton fans again, who have been so beautiful, and with my teammates competing together.

“One of the great things about going through something challenging is the learning and self-awareness, the knowledge in this space that people can help. If it’s something that comes up in the future, you’re in a much better place to be able to deal with it and have it at a more manageable level. People knowing more about me only helps as well. You can’t just click your fingers and it goes away, it’s something to work through into the future - but I’m in a much better place to be able to handle that.

“Being in a position where we have a mic in front of us, we can sit here and if it can help one person have a conversation or confide in a family member or friend, there’s some amazing organisations that are purely here to help. Speaking about it was a weight off my shoulders - I’m really grateful to be in a better place, the love has been so profound and I can’t wait to get back out there.

“I’m really happy to have a smile on my face again.”

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